Midyear Reflection: 2018

So much time has passed. I missed out on writing a birthday post this year because life has been so busy. Somethings have changed and some have stayed the same. Altogether, 2018 thus far has been a year of many highs and lows. 

It started out in January with a high, making it to the interview stage of the JET Programme that I applied for, which is a teaching exchange program in Japan. It's something I've wanted to do for years, but after I finished University, I went straight into another degree which was Law. Things didn't work out with Law, and I finally just took myself out of that situation in May-June 2017. It was one of the best decisions I ever made and I started my life afresh last year...somewhat. I started pursuing those Japanese classes I always wanted to do but never got around to. I'm still kicking myself for not pursuing it while I was doing law but better late than never.

I applied to the JET Programme last year October (2017) and out of the over 100 applicants, I earned myself a spot in the top 30 for the interview in January. I found out in March that I made it onto the short-list, which basically means you're in and they're just looking for a placement for you. When May rolled around I got my confirmation that I was placed in Kobe-shi, and I am so proud of myself. Honestly, I always feel like I'm working with time that's running out on me, already 25 as of April, but this is one of the few accomplishments I've made in this life that I am genuinely proud of. 

Getting into the program may not seem like a big deal to others but to me, who's been hit with disappointment after disappointment, this is a miracle. A miracle born from a lot of hard-work and dedication. I went the extra mile for my application and I relentlessly practiced for my interview and made sure I had all my bases covered. It's like coming back from the ashes. Yes, I'm dramatic but when I dropped out of Law School, I had no idea where my life was headed, it felt like a relief but at the same time, my country's employment rate is at an all time low, and applying for a Master's was not possible last year thanks to the deadlines. I do still intend to pursue my Master's just not right now. I also have a few other goals to pursue but we'll see how this goes first.

Back track to February. My grandmother passed away. I wasn't sad or anything, for obvious reasons that are unknown here, but I know them and that's what's important. I don't feel the need to go into detail but the aftermath of her passing was so extremely taxing. I could barely function properly until probably April. I thought I wasn't going to be okay again, that's how bad it was. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, none of it out of sadness, but mostly out of crippling anxiety. I think I was traumatized, I assume that's what happens when you find someone dead. None of it really hit me until after that first day. It was so incredibly hard for me to overcome my own fears, I was popping anxiety pills like vitamins. So that is another thing that I feel proud of myself for, being able to get out of that dark place and move on. 

That being said, 2018 has not been a bad year thus far, it's actually been pretty good in terms of growth. I ended up joining this group chat and made a bunch of new friends and actually regained my motivation to write. I've been posting stuff on tumblr and I mean, it's not very good, but I know it'll improve with time since I'm now getting back in the groove of things. I'm really happy I got this opportunity and these new friends so it's a good time. 

I leave for Japan on August 4th, that being said, I have made the decision to close this blog. This blog has a lot of memories on it and it shows a lot of growth and changes in my life so I'm very grateful to have it to serve as reflection. I'm not going to delete it, but it'll remain just an archive. I haven't been very active but I want to change that and open a brand new blog, probably on another site, so this is my farewell.

To anyone that reads this, I hope you're doing well, and if you're not, hang tight, things will get better soon <3 nbsp="" p="">

All my love.

xoxo,
Shantilly.

Hot Potato Playlist #2

This month went from 0-100 REAL quick. It's over tomorrow and I can't be happier. There's a lengthy blog post I need to write about February 2018 but I'm not sure I'm in the correct state of mind to do so right now, so as soon as I am, it'll be up. For now...here's Hot Potato Playlist #2!

Enjoy!

xoxo,Shantilly.

Hot Potato Playlist #1

So I've decided to start making playlists for each month, they're most likely going to be short because I prefer it like that. Since I skipped on January, I'll be doing two for February :) Here's the first one!

(Also, I will be writing a post on Hot Potato and how I came up with the name)

xoxo, Shantilly.

For Auld Lang Syne

2017...

Was a hard year. Nothing about it was easy but I feel like it was a year that prepared me for a lot, however it’s definitely not a year I’d ever want a replay of.

The year started off pretty good, I had a goal to open my own small business which I did in the first week of January. I’m almost sure that I’ll be closing said business soon but it was such a good experience and I felt accomplished for even being able to start in the first place. Things took a nosedive in around March when I hit my new car... 3rd accident in less than a year. I could barely drive anymore and I know even though the first accident was the worst, it’s the two smaller ones that followed that caused the real trauma because I was so terrified that it would continue happening. Also, I do not have the easiest parents to deal with when it comes to these things so that added to the fear.

On the day of my birthday we (my family and I) went to dinner and it was a total disaster. That’s another night I could just do without the memory of. My birthday is always something I celebrate and I just feel like it was ruined this year. The bright side is I celebrated the day before my actual birthday with my friends and it was pretty perfect.

I took my first solo trip this year to my dream destination nonetheless, London. I didn’t think it would’ve been possible but at the very last minute my dad pulled through. It was such a fantastic trip, and a great learning experience and it has further fueled my love for traveling, and London in general. I can’t wait to do it all over again, and perhaps, better next time.

In May were my law exams which I prepared as best as I could for...and failed. I spent a lot of time studying and trying my best to ensure that I passed these exams and the outcome was the complete opposite. Strangely enough...actually I’m not sure if it’s strange as I’d already prepared myself and said if I passed the exams necessary to continue then that’s God’s way of saying that it’s for me, and if I didn’t then it wasn’t. When the results came out I just felt an enormous sense of relief over this, I was just so glad to be free of this extreme burden. Yes, I’d slowly come to see it as a burden, the constant pressure and overwhelming stress coupled with the crazy expectations was driving me insane.

So this was a blessing in disguise.

With this over, I finally applied for a programme that I wanted to apply for for ages. I submitted a short story to a competition and I started taking Japanese classes which I wanted to do for a long while. This short time period seems to be great progress personally and I’m extremely proud of myself for it.

I also got to see Luke after over a year in October and I was so happy about that. Even though the reason for him coming home was due to the devastation of hurricane Irma in Turks and Caicos, I’m just so happy that I got to see him. It felt very different this time, I feel like we got much closer and I’m so thankful. In fact I’ve felt so much closer to my few friends this year and I’m so appreciative of them.

Between October to December things have been constantly up and down. I have been doing quite well at Japanese and I really enjoyed it this semester so I’ll be continuing with it next semester. (And actually focusing on finding a job). Taking Japanese has done so much for my life that I can’t ever be grateful enough. I’m so happy for the new friends, the things I’ve learnt and the memories I’ve made.

I really hope 2018 is better than 2017. I try not to have high hopes but I really really hope this year is a turn around for me. 2017 has taught me how to be grateful in so many ways I hadn’t thought about before, for every little thing, and it’s a quality I’m glad I’ve adopted.

So here’s to 2017, good riddance! Welcome 2018! I can’t wait to see what marvels and memories you hold...

Wishing you and yours a very bright and prosperous new year! I hope 2018 holds many precious, new, and good things for you all.

xoxo, Shantilly.