Over and Underwhelmed

It's been almost two months since school has restarted for me and I feel like I'm drowning. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to pursue this career path but, I didn't expect this feeling. The feeling of nothingness. It's like I can only think of how much there is to do, yet I can't do it. I can barely sleep at night without sleeping pills, I can't focus and I'm terribly lacking in the motivation department. I know I want to do this to a certain point but right now I'm feeling like I chose the wrong time to do it because my mind just isn't focused on it. I've been swamped with life for the longest while, maybe I just needed a vacation away from it. There hasn't been a day since school started that I didn't feel ill. I'm so stressed out and drained, ALL.THE.TIME. And the worst part is, it's from doing basically nothing.

I saw this as a new beginning for me but I'm struggling to grasp anything and it's seriously disheartening. I'm doing it partly because I want to, I think, or maybe it's just to prove that I can, partly to make my parents happy (which I know is probably the fastest route to my own unhappiness), partly because well, I need a job and being a writer, especially in this country is a dog eat dog profession. I actually thought I could get some freelancing gigs in the local newspapers or one of our local magazine productions (like I did 2 summers ago with Filtered, see "Life as an Intern" post) but NOBODY wants to even respond to an email. Yeah, it's that bad.

They want us to go to University and learn and get degrees, then they want work experience to even write a single piece for the bloody local newspapers. How are we supposed to get work experience when we can't even get jobs? Especially if we don't know a certain someone. In Trinidad, it's all about WHO you know, not WHAT you know, and that is one of the most depressing things ever. I know the situation around the world is similar, but in countries much bigger than mine (which is only a dot on the map), it seems much easier to get at least a chance at something. I've emailed nearly every single person I could email about getting at least a try at writing for them and half of them never responded and the other half were blatant "no's" covered up by fancy words.

I'm overwhelmed by the work I have cut out for me but I'm also intensely underwhelmed by just about everything else in life, including this degree I'm currently pursuing. I know it's not the correct mindset, and yes I'm aware of my very pessimistic nature, but nothing seems to be changing, everything's just getting worse. Killing yourself out for what? A job that probably isn't even going to make you happy in the future, save for the bragging rights that are associated with being an "attorney-at-law." I don't think I could be much happier than if I got a job that requires me to travel and write. That's pretty much all I wanted out of this life, guess it's quite a lot to ask for.

Fight Club got it right...

Woe is my life.

xoxo, Shantilly.

Oui Oui, Paree! Paris Fashion Week!

Forgive me for the wait, it's been a long, hectic past two weeks, I'm literally writing this post from my couch because I'm sick, contracted some weird stomach bug and it sucks. I never thought I'd WANT to go to school until now. Yes, I'm missing school, mainly due to the fear of falling behind. Rule Number One of Law School: Don't ever fall behind. It will kick you in the ass.

On to the post, admittedly this might not be one of the best even though I absolutely adore Paris Fashion Week, it's my favourite of them all. I feel like I didn't get what I wanted out of it, everything was too rushed and I have so much work piling up, I really need to manage my time better. Doing a Literature degree is VERY different from doing a Law degree, Law requires much more of your time to get proper grades, or even to just pass. Of course I took a quick look through of all my favourites (Elie Saab, Givenchy, Balmain, Saint Laurent) and they unsurprisingly did not disappoint, thankfully. So here are my picks from Paris Fashion Week S/S 2015.

BALMAIN

Let's start with my number one favourite fashion house since I got into fashion probably about 7 years ago. Yes, my love affair with Balmain is a longstanding one, even more so now with the incredibly talented Olivier Rousteing at its helm. His work completely blows me away and I'm always in awe of how young he is. Of course, being the person I am, I'm not afraid to criticize, it's part of life, Balmain has always been so high fashion to me until recently seeing the Kardashians dragging it all around is literally painful. Stop, please, I beg of you. Anyway...the gorgeousness:

Definitely my favourite piece of the collection.

ELIE SAAB

Who doesn't like Elie Saab? Seriously? I have yet to meet someone that doesn't. I don't think it needs to be explained why this is so, everything this man creates is perfection. Every single thing. This collection looked like paradise with gorgeous prints and Saab's signature flowy gowns and beautifully structured suits. Did I mention that I love when designers use black in their Spring/Summer collections? (favourite colour alert) especially when they're able to actually pull it off. It was so hard to pick favourites to post on here but I did anyway.

GIVENCHY

Unfortunately, another amazing fashion house hit by the Kardashian disease, at least Kim's wedding dress looked good, not sure about the floral Met Ball disaster, I knew it was downhill from there. Nevertheless, Ricardo Tisci is an amazingly talented man and thus, I still love Givenchy and most things he creates. If I could've uploaded this entire collection here I would've, leather and lace are two of my favourite things in the world and Givenchy just does it so so well. Oh, and, All Black Errythang.

CHLOE

Chloe is one house that over the years I've come to rely on for not straying from their aesthetic, normally this would bore me but they're too damn good at this. Bohemian chic at its best, I especially like the utility looks in between the whimsical ones, let the good times roll.

HAIDER ACKERMANN

Another one of my classic loves. It's hard to hate much about any of Haider Ackermann's collections, I love love loveeeee the structure and drapery of the clothes, also the colour palettes. I would pretty much wear everything in this collection as well. 

This suit gives me life.

ALEXIS MABILLE

Clean, fresh, simple, spring. Adore. 

SAINT LAURENT PARIS

I love Saint Laurent but I much prefer their F/W collections, this one didn't quite do it for me. It was a bit tacky. These were pretty much the only looks that I liked. 

I may add more to this when I actually get time to look through every show in PFW.

xoxo, Shantilly.