The same carnage of emotions I felt this morning, I felt them a couple months ago after the tragic passing of Linkin Park vocalist Chester Bennington. I didn’t…I couldn’t write anything about how I felt when Chester passed away, the emotions were too raw, I was unable to put them into words. This time around I feel like I can better express myself, not because it’s easier, but because it’s something I need to get off my chest.
Immediately after seeing the messages I did a quick search on the internet just to confirm the news myself and be better informed. Firstly, in case it wasn’t clear from the start, he committed suicide. Secondly, the thing I noticed which was most prevalent in the comments section of many of the websites were the statements like, “he had everything, he was so rich, why would he do that?” Nothing upsets me more. These were the same questions asked and statements made when Chester passed a couple months ago. No one has an answer to those questions, but like Chester, Jonghyun was always very open and vocal about his battle with depression. It was never something hidden and then he suddenly just decided to take his own life, no, he was brave enough to be open with his illness in a society where it is seen as taboo, in an industry which basically scorns those affected by mental illness.
I only got into K-pop earlier this year and it has made me so happy in such a short time that this news hit me extremely hard. I’ve watched so many variety shows and gotten to the point where I feel like some of these people are my friends, and yes that sounds silly but I’m sure when you get to know someone’s personality to a certain level you feel that closeness, like it brings you joy to see them and it just makes you happy. That’s how they’ve made me feel, and I sat there thinking about how painful it must be to bring so many people so much happiness, and not be able to feel any for yourself.
Jonghyun left a last message to his sister and just reading those few short lines tore right through my soul. I could feel just how much pain he was in with just those words, as both a sibling and a human being in general I don’t even want to imagine how his sister felt upon reading that. Jonghyun was part of a k-pop group called SHINee (pronounced: Shiny), as well as a solo artist and he was one of the most talented and thoughtful artists I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing about. His support for the LGBT community and his advocacy for mental health has been a beacon of hope in an industry that denies both. I’ve seen the outpouring of condolences and attention this tragedy has received and I know that he will be tremendously missed.
Depression is not a choice, depression has no face. I have been on the receiving end of so many hurtful, ignorant comments from some of the people closest to me when I say I have depression. The responses are so ridiculous sometimes, especially my favourite, “You just too happy,” the irony… Living a somewhat comfortable material life means nothing, how can you possibly judge a person based on what they have, how can you discredit someone’s actual feelings based on what car they drive and what kind of house they live in? Just because someone is laughing and smiling and talking on the outside does not mean it reflects the struggles they face on the inside. In Trinidad, as I’ve learnt the hard way, mental illness is still largely ignored and a lot of people choose to remain ignorant. I mean, the most well-known psychiatric hospital we have in Trinidad is referred to as “the mad house,” if that tells you anything. When people take their lives, especially young adults and teenagers, people immediately look for every possible reason APART from mental illness as the cause, as though it just does not exist. We seem to be advancing in every possible way except when it comes to fighting against the stigma that is associated with mental illness.
According to many studies, South Korea’s suicide rate is one of the highest in the world, and while I know Trinidad cannot compare to South Korea, I’ve been hearing about a lot of unreported suicides right here in Trinidad. Disappointed but not surprised in the least. Again, it’s that stigma, that those who commit suicide bring shame upon their families, people rather cover it up than address the very real issues at hand and that saddens me beyond belief. When are we going to start noticing the signs and getting people the help they need? (If they refuse the help, that’s a whole other story).
According to Kay Jamison in “Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide,” while most people who suffer from mental health disorders do not kill themselves, mental disorders, including substance abuse, are found in almost all individuals who have died by suicide. Increasing the acceptance and understanding of mental health and substance abuse treatment will likely help those most vulnerable to suicide whilst also filling the crucial gap in mental health treatment.
On another note I’d also like to say that as human beings it won’t kill us to be kind to other people. We have no idea what someone else is dealing with and just a smile and a kind word can probably turn someone’s entire day around. I’m sure most people have heard the saying, “There are lots of kind people in the world, if you can’t find one, be one.” Be there for your friends when they need you, reach out to someone you might think is having a hard time, we’re all busy but a few minutes of your time might save them, and you in the process.
"A star that shined brightly on stage for 10 years, now a star of the skies..."
Rest In Peace Kim Jonghyun (April 8th 1990 - December 18th 2017)
If you get the chance do listen to some of his music, yes I know it isn't in English but there are English subtitles, and I'm one of those people that believe music transcends language barriers.)
xoxo, Shantilly.
