There Goes Another One

Where do I begin?

This year was supposed to be my year of growth, that was the only resolution I had for myself. I've long given up on making large lists of New Year's Resolutions, they more than likely never happen anyway and I just end up feeling like a failure, so to avoid such things I've decided to stop. Anyway, the one thing I wrote down as a goal for 2014 was simply, GROWTH. The goal for 2013 was happiness and believe me, that did not happen, 2013 was the exact opposite, however that doesn't mean my pursuit of happiness is over.

2014 ultimately has been a struggle, not as much as 2013 but it was a struggle to try and put my life back together after the disaster of the previous year, along with many setbacks I think I can safely say, I made some progress. Both happiness and growth aren't resolutions per say, they're a part of everyday life and I've always known that (it just felt solid to have a word for the year I suppose), therefore, they're both things I strive for every day, not just for the years I've labelled them on. 2014 has brought me some pretty great things and lessons which is what life is all about, no? 

So here's a list of things that 2014 has brought me: 

1. The thing I'm most proud of right now, my first degree, BA Literatures in English with History (I graduated in October).

2. Starting Law School, proof that there's always another chance at a new beginning.

3. A hell of a lot of anxiety.

4. Seeking help isn't weakness, it's a form of strength to know when you need help and to get it.

5. Making new friends, something I've always had trouble with but progress was made. 

6. Saying goodbye to my best friend and basically struggling to keep our friendship alive. 

7. Realizing that I am emotionally damaged to a certain point because I struggle to let people in. Trust issues.

8. Meeting a new person and not giving my all to them, which is actually a good thing, it prevents a lot of hurt. Lesson learnt, I just need to find some middle ground between being totally closed off or too open.

9. Always have your guard up, it isn't always a good thing because, see number 7, but it's important to keep yourself stable. 

10. I am A LOT stronger than I ever thought I could've been. 

11. There will always be setbacks but you can achieve great things. 

12. I have to be successful because I like expensive shit.

13. I have to try to find a balance between being a good person and not being a pushover.

14. Motivation is the key to success, focus on the prize, work towards it and ye shall reap the rewards.

15. Last but not least, this is really not the list I had in mind, my brain is all over but above all, believe in yourself. Positivity is all that's needed sometimes. 

My word for the upcoming year, well the goal, coupled with Happiness and Growth : BALANCE.

I hope 2015 brings lots of good things, have a good one! Cheers!

xoxo, Shantilly

Over and Underwhelmed

It's been almost two months since school has restarted for me and I feel like I'm drowning. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to pursue this career path but, I didn't expect this feeling. The feeling of nothingness. It's like I can only think of how much there is to do, yet I can't do it. I can barely sleep at night without sleeping pills, I can't focus and I'm terribly lacking in the motivation department. I know I want to do this to a certain point but right now I'm feeling like I chose the wrong time to do it because my mind just isn't focused on it. I've been swamped with life for the longest while, maybe I just needed a vacation away from it. There hasn't been a day since school started that I didn't feel ill. I'm so stressed out and drained, ALL.THE.TIME. And the worst part is, it's from doing basically nothing.

I saw this as a new beginning for me but I'm struggling to grasp anything and it's seriously disheartening. I'm doing it partly because I want to, I think, or maybe it's just to prove that I can, partly to make my parents happy (which I know is probably the fastest route to my own unhappiness), partly because well, I need a job and being a writer, especially in this country is a dog eat dog profession. I actually thought I could get some freelancing gigs in the local newspapers or one of our local magazine productions (like I did 2 summers ago with Filtered, see "Life as an Intern" post) but NOBODY wants to even respond to an email. Yeah, it's that bad.

They want us to go to University and learn and get degrees, then they want work experience to even write a single piece for the bloody local newspapers. How are we supposed to get work experience when we can't even get jobs? Especially if we don't know a certain someone. In Trinidad, it's all about WHO you know, not WHAT you know, and that is one of the most depressing things ever. I know the situation around the world is similar, but in countries much bigger than mine (which is only a dot on the map), it seems much easier to get at least a chance at something. I've emailed nearly every single person I could email about getting at least a try at writing for them and half of them never responded and the other half were blatant "no's" covered up by fancy words.

I'm overwhelmed by the work I have cut out for me but I'm also intensely underwhelmed by just about everything else in life, including this degree I'm currently pursuing. I know it's not the correct mindset, and yes I'm aware of my very pessimistic nature, but nothing seems to be changing, everything's just getting worse. Killing yourself out for what? A job that probably isn't even going to make you happy in the future, save for the bragging rights that are associated with being an "attorney-at-law." I don't think I could be much happier than if I got a job that requires me to travel and write. That's pretty much all I wanted out of this life, guess it's quite a lot to ask for.

Fight Club got it right...

Woe is my life.

xoxo, Shantilly.

Oui Oui, Paree! Paris Fashion Week!

Forgive me for the wait, it's been a long, hectic past two weeks, I'm literally writing this post from my couch because I'm sick, contracted some weird stomach bug and it sucks. I never thought I'd WANT to go to school until now. Yes, I'm missing school, mainly due to the fear of falling behind. Rule Number One of Law School: Don't ever fall behind. It will kick you in the ass.

On to the post, admittedly this might not be one of the best even though I absolutely adore Paris Fashion Week, it's my favourite of them all. I feel like I didn't get what I wanted out of it, everything was too rushed and I have so much work piling up, I really need to manage my time better. Doing a Literature degree is VERY different from doing a Law degree, Law requires much more of your time to get proper grades, or even to just pass. Of course I took a quick look through of all my favourites (Elie Saab, Givenchy, Balmain, Saint Laurent) and they unsurprisingly did not disappoint, thankfully. So here are my picks from Paris Fashion Week S/S 2015.

BALMAIN

Let's start with my number one favourite fashion house since I got into fashion probably about 7 years ago. Yes, my love affair with Balmain is a longstanding one, even more so now with the incredibly talented Olivier Rousteing at its helm. His work completely blows me away and I'm always in awe of how young he is. Of course, being the person I am, I'm not afraid to criticize, it's part of life, Balmain has always been so high fashion to me until recently seeing the Kardashians dragging it all around is literally painful. Stop, please, I beg of you. Anyway...the gorgeousness:

Definitely my favourite piece of the collection.

ELIE SAAB

Who doesn't like Elie Saab? Seriously? I have yet to meet someone that doesn't. I don't think it needs to be explained why this is so, everything this man creates is perfection. Every single thing. This collection looked like paradise with gorgeous prints and Saab's signature flowy gowns and beautifully structured suits. Did I mention that I love when designers use black in their Spring/Summer collections? (favourite colour alert) especially when they're able to actually pull it off. It was so hard to pick favourites to post on here but I did anyway.

GIVENCHY

Unfortunately, another amazing fashion house hit by the Kardashian disease, at least Kim's wedding dress looked good, not sure about the floral Met Ball disaster, I knew it was downhill from there. Nevertheless, Ricardo Tisci is an amazingly talented man and thus, I still love Givenchy and most things he creates. If I could've uploaded this entire collection here I would've, leather and lace are two of my favourite things in the world and Givenchy just does it so so well. Oh, and, All Black Errythang.

CHLOE

Chloe is one house that over the years I've come to rely on for not straying from their aesthetic, normally this would bore me but they're too damn good at this. Bohemian chic at its best, I especially like the utility looks in between the whimsical ones, let the good times roll.

HAIDER ACKERMANN

Another one of my classic loves. It's hard to hate much about any of Haider Ackermann's collections, I love love loveeeee the structure and drapery of the clothes, also the colour palettes. I would pretty much wear everything in this collection as well. 

This suit gives me life.

ALEXIS MABILLE

Clean, fresh, simple, spring. Adore. 

SAINT LAURENT PARIS

I love Saint Laurent but I much prefer their F/W collections, this one didn't quite do it for me. It was a bit tacky. These were pretty much the only looks that I liked. 

I may add more to this when I actually get time to look through every show in PFW.

xoxo, Shantilly.

MILAN FASHION WEEK FAVES

DISCLAIMER: Once again, none of these photos belong to me, if they do belong to you or someone you know, please alert me and I will provide credit immediately.

On to the second one, Milan Fashion Week! There was a point in time when I was completely and totally obsessed with Italy and everything Italian, especially the fashion, so MFW holds a special place in my heart. The collections I'll be reviewing are the ones that I liked and caught my eye as usual. So first up: 

BLUMARINE

I love the sheer dresses with the floral patterns on them, so summery and pretty, just PRETTY in every aspect of the word.  The second gown being worn by one of my models of the moment, Cindy Bruna is my favourite, definitely gonna take some guts and a super rocking body like hers to pull that one off, nevertheless, it is beautiful. My obsession with leather is never-ending hence, that striped/seethrough/floral piece caught my eye immediately. It's the perfect combination of tough girl meets dainty floral lover.

BOTTEGA VENETA

I've never been a big Bottega Veneta fan but this collection was so lovely I couldn't help it. It's an "Ode to the Dancer," and I think they captured the essence perfectly. It's super chic and simplistic and the muted colours aided in it's execution. Personally I think darker colours would not have done this collection justice as the lighter tones have. These are clothes I can easily picture myself wearing, dressed up or down and that does it in for me, when clothing is that versatile.

THAT BOW.

ROBERTO CAVALLI

Cavalli, Cavalli Cavalli, need I say more? Perfect. Black and Leather, instant love. Not so much a fan of the shoes in this collection but the fantastic clothing makes up for it, and the diversity of the models as well, seeing as that is such a big issue these days in the fashion world (no really, it is). I love the exotic leathers and the black in general but can we talk about that gorgeous, embroidered, cut-out dress on Malaika Firth please? Absolute genius, you can see the art meets fashion on the piece and I think that was what made it my favourite piece from this collection.

DOLCE AND GABBANA

This Spanish influenced Dolce & Gabbana collection as usual, came out swinging with gorgeous patterned fabrics, signature shorts, embroidered and crocheted to perfection. Domenico and Stefano just know how to do it right. But let's talk about hair and makeup, absolutely F L A W L E S S. Deep burgundy/berry lips, muted eyeshadow, and fierce winged liner, ahh! Yes! And the hair, weaved in with roses and D&G's signature statement necklaces, earrings and headpieces made for a show to remember, especially the anticipated finale. Zhenya Katava aka the model in the upclose photo was EVERYTHING. I love her face, I love her everything, can we give her some credit please? Cause Kendall Jenner doesn't deserve half of what she's getting but Zhenya certainly does.

FENDI

Fendi's shoe game was on point, so were their feathers, that gorgeous cutout piece worn by Joan Smalls was my absolute favourite. Beautiful and elegant as always, Karl Lagerfeld did not fall short with this collection, especially the shoes, did I mention the shoes? Yeah, the accessories did more for me with this line than the actual clothing, alas, I do love the feathers.

EMILIO PUCCI

Pucci, always a classic. Those flowy gowns looked very resort-ish but I loved them nonetheless, hey I am from the Caribbean after all. I'm usually not a fan of the tie-dye looking fabrics but these were tastefully done and did you guys see that show? Did you see the fierceness of Empress Naomi Campbell and Queen Natasha Poly stomping down that runway? Natasha was fabulous and fierce and everything she ever was and she's back, I almost squealed. Almost. I was too busy staring with my jaw on the floor. My favourite from the collection though was this perfectly tailored, uniquely coloured tangerine/pumpkin suit. Ondria Hardin, my love, did it justice, how perfect is it though? And I love those oversized sunglasses. If only I could afford this level of fabulousness. One day, one day...

PHILIPP PLEIN

The dresses, oh, the dresses, I loved them so much, the corset top and flared dresses were so very Dior-esque, but with a Plein touch. I really liked this collection I think my affection is self-explanatory when you look at the photos. And wow, Izabel Goulart was totally slaying on the runways this season. My favourite from this collection is the striped, flared dress, that's why it's there twice, because I can ;)

GIAMBA

I think this is one of the collections that I've anticipated the most, the sister line to the almighty couture powerhouse, Giambattista Valli. I was not disappointed and I am so happy I could shed a tear. The collection encompassed many of Valli's main features, whimsical florals, light colours, bold patterning (mainly floral), gorgeous crocheting and oh my gosh those cute tights! Ahh! I loved it all, so sophisticated and everything I would expect from the sister line of one of my favourite haute couture houses. 

Stay tuned for the big guns up next...PARIS FASHION WEEK!

xoxo, Shantilly.