Welcome 2017!

(This post is so late because I was out of the country [see previous post] and because as soon as I came back I got the flu and super busy with school and new projects)

So 2016 went by preeetty quickly (thankfully). It wasn't that great of a year for the human race as a whole, and once you surf the internet you'd have seen the countless memes about *gasp* the horror of 2016! I can't say they're all wrong or overreacting because I know some folks have had quite a terrible year (my sympathies). However, with some generous reflection on my part, I've come to realize that 2016 was such a necessary year for me personally. It was rough, I don't think any part of it was easy, but it forced me to grow up so much, and for that I'm extremely grateful.

2016 has been a year plagued by constant health issues, personal failures, not one but TWO car accidents, constant drawbacks, and many many breakdowns. But somehow, I've managed to find the silver lining, and not because I was looking for it but because it is what it is. Believe me that's an accomplishment in itself for me as an anxiety and depression sufferer. I was quite shocked with how positive I ended up seeing 2016, but also extremely happy.

So for me 2016 has taught me some of the most valuable lessons in the shortest period of time. You know some people have had a bad year? Well I've had a bad COUPLE of years...no joke. I always made 'goals' instead of resolutions for the past couple of years and well they never came to pass either way so for 2017, I have none. There are numerous personal goals which I have in mind but they're all works in progress and I'll keep those to myself for now. Back to my lessons learnt in 2016:

- You are so much stronger than you think. Physically and mentally.
- You can achieve anything you set your mind to.
- Hard work pays off.
- If you don't try, you'll never know.
- The Gym is a little slice of paradise. (harsh, painful paradise, but with amazing rewards)
- Not everyone is your friend, not everyone deserves your friendship.
- Even the people you consider the most can turn their backs on you.
- It's actually quite peaceful to be alone (especially if you're an introvert like me with so much going on in her head all the time)
- You are better off without people who feel like they can come in and out of your life whenever they want.
- You don't owe the people who have hurt you anything at all, not even a response. 
- Let it go, let it gooooo...all the pent up frustration, built up anger, and poisonous thoughts, they are more toxic than you think.
- No one can harm you once you believe in God and yourself. (that's not saying the people who don't believe in God will be harmed, I'm only speaking for myself with that one because I struggle so much with religion that grasping at it and holding on is a big feat for me).
- Your focus is so important that you can't waste it on irrelevant things or people.
- You are destined for greatness, and you will survive long enough to achieve it.

I feel like it's just done so much for me as a person that I can't say that it was awful. I welcomed 2017 with a much more peaceful and level headed frame of mind than I ever have before and I look forward to all this year has to bring. Best wishes everyone! <3 p="">
xoxo, Shantilly.

A Little Vacation Throwback

I don't think it's really a throwback that far back since I got back a week ago, anyway, hopefully this vid doesn't get deleted for these stupid copyright BS they're suddenly implementing. Here's a little summary of my Christmas Vacation :)

xoxo, Shantilly.

Goodbye 2015.

1 day...

2015...goddamn 2015, it was a hell of a year, an actual rollercoaster ride, but not the fun ones. You know the ones that keep going in loops, and you want to throw up and you keep begging to get off but it won't stop? Yeah, that kind. Anyway, 2015 has been a big year for everyone, a year of man-buns, continuation of the social media rage, ISIS, The Weeknd, vines, fuckboys, life-hacks, and of course...lessons. 2015 has definitely taught me some valuable lessons, as every year does, but I feel like this year something's changed.

I no longer make resolutions (but does marrying a Sheikh count for 2016?) anyway, I have goals, 2013 : happiness, 2014 : growth, 2015 : balance. Now, let me say upfront, I have failed magnificently at my 2015 goal, my balance was SO off, it's shameful really. I'm not sure I have a goal for 2016 yet, hopefully by the end of this post I do. 

2015 has taught me:

1. I am a control freak, no really, and my control-freakness is one of my greatest downfalls because you can't control everything. You see, things spiralled way out of my control this year and I was completely unable to cope with my "failures." This needs to be fixed, or...controlled.

2. Sometimes good people make bad decisions. You can't fix everyone and everything. Sometimes you're put into someone's life only for a short time and it's up to you to make an impact, a good impact. I hope I did. 

3. Some friendships/relationships can be rekindled and picked up right where they left off before things went bad, whereas others not so much.

4. Sometimes even when you lay all your cards on the table and everything is laid bare, you still can't anticipate what you're getting yourself into. Nothing's ever a sure thing, people are fickle and they will let you down.

5. You can no longer pull all nighters and study the night before your exams. Your second degree requires way more work and dedication. Stop your bullshit please, we need this law degree boo. Let your shortcomings be your motivation.

6. Fuckboys, fuckboys everywhere (to be fair, fuckgirls too). Relationships and love have become such fragile things, people give in to their vices so easily, they lie flawlessly to the people they claim to "love," they break other people without giving a second thought, all in the name of selfishness. "I deserve this, I deserve that," no, what you deserve is a really hard slap or two. 

7. Not everyone that says they love you, mean it. "Those three words are said too much, but not enough," one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite songs, it has a much deeper meaning now. 

8. Failure is not the end of the world. You can get up and try again. "So what? You failed your finals. You gained some weight. So what? You're single again. You lost your job. So what? What now? You live. You try again. That's what."

9. When the world feel like it's going to end and everyone and everything is against you, there will always be your mother's arms. I've realized this year the truth to the statement, "My mother taught me everything except how to live without her." I love you ma. 

10. You are always capable of loving again, and again. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I've broken down this year and said, "I have nothing left to give anyone," and I truly feel it in those moments of despair but, no matter how broken you think you are, there is always some love left to give.

Drawing by my incredibly talented oompaloompa Maryam Mohammed.

I wish you all the best for 2016. I hope you have a safe, healthy, and happy one, filled with lots of love and magic.

-Neil Gaiman

xoxo, Shantilly.